I keep trying to break up with my therapist. This is way more difficult than you might imagine. I have tapered it off to every other week and perhaps this schedule might pare down to once a month and then finally end. You see, she went on maternity leave this summer and I did just fine without a weekly dose of introspection (you see, I think too much already, so is this really helping?) and I was all set to be done cold turkey. But then I wanted to wrap things up (maybe I felt bad for quitting her- guilt!) and my insurance changed (making this an even more expensive weekly endeavor) so I figured I could just go once or twice and set things straight. Then she has to go and point out all of the things I SHOULD be working on (man, I must be lazy). Which is an epic list at any given point in time- the road to self actualization is long and winding road apparently. Maybe this is what the Beatles were singing about on The White Album? Who knows, all I know is that she pointed out that I don’t ever seem to take the time to just take care of me and do things just for me. There is always some sort of agenda, maybe I have created it, but it is certainly almost always serving someone else- not me.
She recommended taking 30 minutes a day to do something just for myself. It can’t be to forward my career, or develop a relationship, or improve, or maintain- it has to be solely me based and in the present. I thought about this and of course tried to do it. I lasted 30 seconds, no joke! I rang her after and told her the issue. She knocked it down to 30 minutes a week (suddenly I felt relieved?!). Half of me is dreading this 30 minutes and half of me is looking forward to indulging myself for that long. Except I can’t decide the logistical features, let alone HOW I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO PULL THIS OFF! Suggestions for what I should be doing for that 30 minutes would be appreciated. I can’t even decide what I should DO! I think it will fit in nicely on Sunday, as I don’t have a lot of immediate plans with people and work expectations regarding Sundays are quite low. Please provide a suggestion in the comments, or if you have my number/email/twitter, send me some that way- I would really appreciate it!. I am going to have to do this every week and I could really use a nudge in the right direction. I think everybody should do this too- if you don’t already that is!
Maybe there is a some big league of people that have made a pact with themselves and others that they are going to do something ridiculously inefficient and indulgent and ENJOY it too at a certain time every day or week or month or whatever? If you are one of those people, what is your secret?! Let me drink your kool-aid. . .
Someone suggested a while back that I might have ADD. Don't we all? To be so busy keeping up with the Jones', twittering, posting, emailing, blogging, facebooking, myspacing, calling, texting, and really interacting with people- how can you not have focus issues?
I used to self medicate by reading all of the time. Except most of the reading I do know is either “I need to go to grad school so help me god I must write good essays and pass this test” reading or “I have already read this book and I have always said I like reading so I’m just going to do this because it takes up time” or “someone suggested this book to me and we are hanging out this weekend, so I had better plow through this whether I like it or not so when she bring it up I don’t look stupid” reading. Not a lot of that “get lost in a book and go on an adventure in your head” type of reading that I truly love so much. I mean, how are you supposed to get into it with all of the noise and things going on and things you may be missing?
I suppose what I NEED is this: “got a blank space where my mind should be”. Where did that blank space go? Did it disappear with the Phish Summer Tour season? HELP me find it!
2 years ago