And Yet. . .

I know this blog has been neglected- not shown the love it deserves, but really i have a lot of items written for it. It's just that my trigger finger is sort of shy and doesn't want to alienate anyone. But I'm going to take a chance. I seem to be taking far more chances lately, be it online or in real life or driving or eating or talking or whatever. But here goes. This is the deep end I'm jumping into here.

For a number of years, I have had an "anonymous" blog that I have been writing in pretty regularly. Mostly because when you don't have a name and face, far less editing seems required. But I think it might be time to leave that behind. Starting now, all posts that would appear there, will appear hear instead. Yes, this means I will be posting more often. Will you enjoy the content? Not entirely sure there. I am pretty edited as I appear here, so expect a departure from the regular. I don't mean to offend anyone and please let me know if I do at all, but this is something I have been thinking about for a long time and the timing (for once in my life) is right. Wish me luck. Love me, or leave me.

Blank Space? Anyone?

I keep trying to break up with my therapist. This is way more difficult than you might imagine. I have tapered it off to every other week and perhaps this schedule might pare down to once a month and then finally end. You see, she went on maternity leave this summer and I did just fine without a weekly dose of introspection (you see, I think too much already, so is this really helping?) and I was all set to be done cold turkey. But then I wanted to wrap things up (maybe I felt bad for quitting her- guilt!) and my insurance changed (making this an even more expensive weekly endeavor) so I figured I could just go once or twice and set things straight. Then she has to go and point out all of the things I SHOULD be working on (man, I must be lazy). Which is an epic list at any given point in time- the road to self actualization is long and winding road apparently. Maybe this is what the Beatles were singing about on The White Album? Who knows, all I know is that she pointed out that I don’t ever seem to take the time to just take care of me and do things just for me. There is always some sort of agenda, maybe I have created it, but it is certainly almost always serving someone else- not me.

She recommended taking 30 minutes a day to do something just for myself. It can’t be to forward my career, or develop a relationship, or improve, or maintain- it has to be solely me based and in the present. I thought about this and of course tried to do it. I lasted 30 seconds, no joke! I rang her after and told her the issue. She knocked it down to 30 minutes a week (suddenly I felt relieved?!). Half of me is dreading this 30 minutes and half of me is looking forward to indulging myself for that long. Except I can’t decide the logistical features, let alone HOW I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO PULL THIS OFF! Suggestions for what I should be doing for that 30 minutes would be appreciated. I can’t even decide what I should DO! I think it will fit in nicely on Sunday, as I don’t have a lot of immediate plans with people and work expectations regarding Sundays are quite low. Please provide a suggestion in the comments, or if you have my number/email/twitter, send me some that way- I would really appreciate it!. I am going to have to do this every week and I could really use a nudge in the right direction. I think everybody should do this too- if you don’t already that is!
Maybe there is a some big league of people that have made a pact with themselves and others that they are going to do something ridiculously inefficient and indulgent and ENJOY it too at a certain time every day or week or month or whatever? If you are one of those people, what is your secret?! Let me drink your kool-aid. . .

Someone suggested a while back that I might have ADD. Don't we all? To be so busy keeping up with the Jones', twittering, posting, emailing, blogging, facebooking, myspacing, calling, texting, and really interacting with people- how can you not have focus issues?

I used to self medicate by reading all of the time. Except most of the reading I do know is either “I need to go to grad school so help me god I must write good essays and pass this test” reading or “I have already read this book and I have always said I like reading so I’m just going to do this because it takes up time” or “someone suggested this book to me and we are hanging out this weekend, so I had better plow through this whether I like it or not so when she bring it up I don’t look stupid” reading. Not a lot of that “get lost in a book and go on an adventure in your head” type of reading that I truly love so much. I mean, how are you supposed to get into it with all of the noise and things going on and things you may be missing?

I suppose what I NEED is this: “got a blank space where my mind should be”. Where did that blank space go? Did it disappear with the Phish Summer Tour season? HELP me find it!

A new home on the Internet and renewed inspiration

Seeing as I have a monster conference call starting in 15 minutes about god knows what (sounds like blah, blah, blah to me), I think I may have some time carved out to write a blog post. On my own blog! I have been writing, but not exactly on my own site. Recently, I met a great gal in Chicago who founded this site that basically tells people where to go, whether visiting or residing. She asked if I would like to contribute, and of course I couldn't turn down an awesome offer like that! So I started writing for the North Neighborhoods of Chicago on http://www.theLocalTourist.com. (Save that in your bookmarks- and visit often, please :)) Which is great, because I am learning about how to best attract an audience, plus write about where I live and all of the cool things that there are to do. Is a win- win. Unfortunately, I had to keep my day job (which most of you know does not suit me at all) and my hours got increased, so my personal blogging took a backseat. But recently BF started a blog and reminded me why I love doing this so much- writing is my outlet; right, wrong, or indifferent. I guess this means I have decided to say eff the backposts I have stored on my desktop and just start writing again. As always, unedited and probably super random. If you want something more polished, check out The Local Tourist.

Hiatus?

Obviously, I have been "away" for awhile here. People ask me, "when are you going to post again?" and I don't really know how to answer. I have a million excuses, not the least of which is work. The truth is, I do work a lot, and I feel a bit intimidated by my lack of social media background. I have decided to try not to let this get to me. Two of my good friends were in town for the Ragan Unconference yesterday, and we ended up going for dinner and drinks with some people I could only refer to as "internet friends". In talking with these people, it occurs to me that maybe I am not the square peg in the round hole after all. I actually knew that they were talking about and also, I could talk twitter with them. This is good, as most people in my day to day life have no clue at all whatsoever what twitter is. This is a good indicator that I need to start blogging on a more regular basis- MAKE time for it, because it is fun!

Which brings me to my next announcement; I am on twitter! I have been on twitter for over a year now, so sorry for the late announcement :) anyway, if you want to follow, you can do so by clicking here. I actually manage to update pretty often, as I can do so from my blackberry. I used to be able to access from the office comp, but they blocked it and I have to say that is probably for the best, or I would be stuck at work even later than I already am!

Also, when I first started writing this, I had some inherent fear of being "found". Too bad that already happened and I'm over it. By now most people know who I am, so I am just going to roll with it. Sarah from Sensibly Sassy seems to do just fine being "herself" publicly, so why can't I?

Anyway, feel free to drop by in the coming weeks. There might actually be something to read for once!

xoxo, I miss you all, especially those I got to see last night :)

Why People Pleasing is a Bad Idea: Most likely part of a 10 part series called "My Life"

Have you ever had a day when you just can't seem to say/do the right thing, no matter how hard you try? That would be today for me. It is only 8:02am CST, and I keep putting my proverbial foot in my mouth everytime I open it. I am really just trying to be nice and make it easier for everyone around me (lots of people are having bad days, or it looks like they could potentially have one; i am just trying to make their days better, honest!) by being sympathetic and trying to solve their problems. Apparently this is the wrong approach. . .

Exhibit A:
M is one of my good friends and she had a bad day yesterday as well. She called me last night, upset. She had also called another mutual friend of ours (we are our own little group). I would never betray the trust of one of my good friends. If you tell me something,I am not about to broadcast it to everyone ( I have friends that do this with stunning regularity. . ). I got on the bus to go to work this morning, and this mutual friend (herein referred to as "woot") got on the bus. I asked her if M had called her last night. She said that, yes M had called her. I made the mistake of assuming (putting the @$$ in you and me. . .)that M had talked about the same topics; she hadn't, so I guess I just inadvertantly betrayed M's trust. The whole idea here was to talk to woot to try and find good ways to take M's mind off of the upsetting situation this weekend. That was achieved (M and Woot are hanging out tonight, and M is hanging with me tomorrow), but I get in and M calls and is like, I can't believe you told Woot all about me and my issues! What is wrong with you? Sigh. . . I was just trying to help!

Exhibit B:
Coworker comes up to me and asks me if I handle a particular report. I didn't, but seeing as all I do all day is run/write reports, it was a valid question. I told him that it was other Coworker H's report. Bad news for him, he said. I know enough about Coworker H's report to know that this report issue could cause Coworker H, who is already moody, to be in a crap tastic mood all day. I decided to intervene and tell Coworker H, that there were some issues with his report. This is much nicer than getting the chew out email about your report failing from the client. At least in my opinion. I would have thanked Coworker H if the roles were reversed. Instead I got a scowl and some swearing. Now Coworker H isn't speaking to me and that stinks cause I sit right next to him.

I am officially done trying to help people out and make their day a little bit easier. From now on, if there is dog poo up ahead, go ahead and step in it. Don't get mad that I didn't warn you or try to direct you to another route!