Sometimes you're the Windshield, Sometimes you're the Bug

I am decidedly grumpy today. After feeling like I don’t have enough time for me in my life for the past 3 or so weeks, I am feeling at an all time low. Example: I have not washed my hair since last Friday morning. In case you haven’t checked it is Thursday- almost a week later. Disgusting. To go along with natty hair, my apartment also needs attention. I have finally taken care of the counter full of dishes that has been building up over the past month or so. I cleaned the toilet, but it had really only been like a week. I like to clean it twice a week. I have been told I am neurotic for cleaning as much as I usually do, but looking at the demise of my domestic skills over the past few weeks, I can honestly say that neurotic is better than dirty. It just is. I also haven’t done laundry in a really, really long time. Like I am wearing bottom of the barrel clothing because nothing else can even pass as clean. Its not like I am remotely trendy or stylish in the fashion department anyway. Money has been a bit tight, so I haven’t really bought anything new, or that I have liked in over a year. Anything I do buy, is out of necessity (dress for wedding showers, sports bra). Necessity is more than my budget can handle for now though, so I probably look pretty ragamuffin.

I would like to dedicate this evening to the pursuit of my sanity, but alas, I am tired and have a to do list 86 miles long. This includes monotonous duties such as; deposit cash in bank so account does not become overdrawn, beg for laundry quarters from grocery store, go tanning so that do not look like pasty cow for upcoming bridesmaid gig, shave legs (no attention in at least two weeks), and my favorite; try to stuff trash into overflowing dumpsters behind complex. I keep trying to wait until they aren’t overflowing, but that day has not come anytime recently. At least not while I am home, not like I’m there a lot or anything. . .

But I digress, my to do list seems to be out of control lately, as does my spending, and I have nothing accomplished or anything to show for the outpouring of time and money. Something must be fishy, as the majority of my peers do not feel this worn out from doing this little. I realize part of this must be because I am really stressed about the situation and do not enjoy the 9 hours a day I spend actually earning money. The stress comes from not liking that, and also from trying to pay my bills with not enough money, and knowing there is pretty much no way to make more. I could get another part time job, but I can’t get it together to wash my hair with the one I’ve already got, so this stress will continue until I get my debts paid off, which at this rate, will probably be sometime around the age of 45. There has to be a better way, but I have been racking my already tired brain trying to figure it out and I cannot seem to come up with anything. Meanwhile, I am trying to improve my efficiency at work so that I don’t have as much stress. There are plenty of people who do everything that I need to do all day, plus take care of families and give back to their communities, so what is my problem here? I don’t watch TV, haven’t been to the library in months, don’t really go out to the bar, average only 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night and have them messiest apartment ever. Where does all of my time go? I think I am going to start writing down what I am doing and how long I do it for, because this is just not right.

Does anyone have suggestions for how to get my life in check? I feel as though I am spiraling out of control and may very well lose it one of these days. Maybe this is just an off day, but I have been feeling more and more like this as of late.